Category: Mental Health

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Why I’m Fat; and so are you. . .

Kind of a catchy title, right? You clicked on it didn’t you? Well that’s somewhat misleading because in this video I absolutely get down to the nitty gritty about my issues with weight and my poor relationship with food. I’m talking crappy-boyfriend-who-tears-you-down-to-nothing-and-tells-you-he-loves-you-and-you’re-lucky-because-no-one-else-will kind of bad relationship with food.

That’s it. That’s your warning.

Today’s video is not funny, it’s actually pretty heavy and emotional. It was not easy for me to gather my thoughts together to make a comprehensive video out of this, and I still don’t feel like I covered it all – but the video is a half an hour long. I have a plan to make a serious out of this where I will teach things that I learn along the way, as well as offer encouragement and support.

I do worry that some people may watch this and truly have hurt feelings or an emotional wound afterward. Please don’t. Remember that this is me and my choices that got me here; and it’s my journey to fix that. I want to be an inspiration and beacon of hope for anyone out there, even it is just one person, who feels like they have a path similar to mine, feels like they look similar to me, or just needs someone to go down this road with. That is the reason I felt that it was important to get all the ugly stuff out there this week. So here it is:

This right here is a giant hug from me to you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((xoxo))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I definitely do NOT have it in me to have a personal face to face discussion about this right now, but this is something we can share just between us.

I feel as though we are going to go down the road of some serious talks in order to really push forward. I am going to try my best to mix in some lighthearted/fun/funny videos so that you don’t leave my channel emotionally drained each week!

Let’s get down to brass tacks. I really don’t want to verbatim copy what I said in the video. It took me several weeks of filming and editing to get it to the state it is in because of the emotional toll it took on me as well.

I want to reference this post of mine that gives a few more/different details.

There is a category right at the header of my blog that is entitled “UnChunk”. I’ve put quite a few good resources in there, and now I will be devoting some more time and energy to adding more.

Eating disorders are serious business. They are strange because they are a mental health issue, first and foremost, and mental health is still something that is hard for people to grasp the severity of because it is effectively invisible. Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes and with people of all shapes and sizes. They are looked down upon as being disgusting or attention seeking. While some of that may be true, that probably accounts for .001% of people who actually suffer with an eating disorder of some kind. 28.8 Million Americans will have an eating disorder in their life time. I’ll say it again.

28.8 MILLION AMERICANS WILL HAVE AN EATING DISORDER IN THEIR LIFETIME.

Please. Click on that link. I will wait.

If you are suffering there is help. And please! Everyone stop shaming this! Not every person with an eating disorder is a 68lb, 19 year old, middle class, white woman.

I don’t chose to let this define me. I don’t even necessarily identify with it other than to put a face to the name, so-to-speak, and help to explain.

I’ll tell you this. I am ready to fight back and to overcome. Like I mentioned at the end of the video I feel elevated not sad. Optimistic not hopeless.

Please use the comment section as a place to hold a safe and healthy discussion about weight concerns. No-one should be excluded. Even if you’re just looking to lose those last five pounds! Everyone has their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. AND everyone’s are valid. Love and support one another.

Tell me what you’re going through if you’re ready. What do you struggle with? What are your goals? What have you found to help you along the way?

The only thing that is off limits is “tips” in order to stay in the disordered mindset. You know who you are. I know what it looks like. Don’t try it.

I love you guys. Thank you so much for continuing to come back. Thank you so much for watching my videos.

Love yourself today.

xoxo

-S

P.S. – I KNOW! I need to find somewhere else besides my car to chat with you. I’m working on it. xoxoxoxoxo

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A Saho Kind of Night Routine

A few months ago I decided that it was actually pretty important for me to have a regular night routine to help keep me grounded and reduce stress because, I tell you what, 2019 was a crazy – all over the place – kind of year. (I still owe you a real recap of that mess. . .)

I knew that it was important to me to combine some functionality as well as some “self-care” into my routine – otherwise I couldn’t keep that balance. I want to say about October is when I decided that this is what I would really truly do nightly and I just kind of picked one thing and then slowly built my routine around that.

(I’m still working the kinks out of my morning routine, so one day when I’m not so wishy-washy about it, I’ll write you a little post about that as well.)

What started off as having a cup of tea and lighting a candle to wind down has become this:

Tidy Up: (15 minutes time, max)

– Put the last load of laundry in the dryer

– Clean any dishes left from after dinner/wipe down kitchen counters

– Set up coffee for tomorrow/set up what I need to make lunches in the morning

– Pick up the dogs’ toys

– Pick up the “closet room” (just a punctuation to the fact that we live in excess. . . but come-on, an entire room as a closet? Yes, please.)

Bedroom Prep: (2 minutes, probably. . . unless you need to pet a dog that is laying on the bed.)

– Close the curtains

– Light a candle

  • I’m just really into candles lately as far as mood for the room. I like the way the light and the way the smell affect the ambiance. Shoot, I have a candle in the kitchen, too. Right now all of my candles are from Family Dollar because they actually have some nice scents! The one in the bathroom is “rain” scented, and the one in my bedroom is Frankincense and Myrrh.

– Set out out a cup of tea

  • Since this is a night routine, the tea should be anything that is non-caffeinated. My mom has recently been getting us this chamomile tea from grove.co and we are hooked! Especially with local honey whisked in! Yummm. My absolute favorite tea in the whole wide world is Licorice Spice by Stash, and my dude’s recommendation is any Sleepytime Tea by Celestial Seasonings. But really, any delicious herbal tea will do!

– Set out water in copper cup – this seems really weird probably, but I read that an ayurvedic practice is to drink water from a copper cup because there are a lot of benefits. I don’t feel too qualified to really go into detail about that for your here, so I’m going to link some information (to the copper cup)*.

– Set out over-night water bottle (notice a water theme here? This girl will never go thirsty – I may not even need this, but better to have it and not need it – you knowwww)

  • This is my favorite water bottle right now!

– Turn on the Salt Lamp

– Set alarm/put phone “to bed” (This is actually done post-shower, but that doesn’t fit my categories)

– Set out 2-cup serving of “morning water” – to drink first thing when I shut my alarm off

Wash the Day Away: (Yeah – let’s be honest – this part takes about 30 minutes)

– Start a hot shower

– Light a candle/make sure salt lamp is on (yes I DO have a salt lamp in the bathroom as well!)

– Turn out the lights (there’s plenty of peaceful light from the candle(s) and salt lamp)

– Turn on Sound Bot and set music to some relaxing spa music or 528hz music

  • I linked the Sound Bot on Amazon. They are so cool! It’s a blue tooth speaker that is set to have amazing shower accoustics and you can even take a call in the shower if you’re about that life. . .
  • I literally just type into youtube “relaxing spa music” and pick one.

– Brush teeth/pop in a tablespoon of coconut oil to oil pull while in shower

– Take a nice relaxing shower

  • Scents I enjoy for my products are: coconut, coconut oil, charcoal, sea salt, sea mineral, amber, honey. . . I find that those tend to make me feel really good.

– Dry off/rub down with coconut oil

– Blow out the candle

The Final Descent: (30ish minutes + however long it takes)

–  Migrate to the bed room and put on some comfy pjs

– Do some kind of yoga – there is a 30-Day yoga challenge that I will probably start tomorrow. I have done it before and tend to really enjoy it, but I’ve never made it all the way through – I’ll do a separate post on this!

– Pull a tarot card/do a tarot reading (Maybe) Meh! I’ve been into it lately. I like it, it’s interesting. Also my brother got me a really cool crystal ball for Christmas so it gives me a chance to put it to good use, too!

– Brain dump in notebook – this is very important for me, because if I don’t I’ll just sit up all night an worry about tiny things. This way I can go through my notebook in the morning and address whatever I “dumped”.

– Enjoy my tea and copper cup water (throughout this whole time)

– Blow out the candle and go to sleep zzzZZZzzz

That somewhat seems like a lot, but it’s really not – I put 15 minutes down for tidying up, I’m willing to bet it’s more like 5 minutes. This whole process likely takes just about an hour – mostly depending on how much I’m enjoying the hot water and how long the yoga routine that I choose is.

Yes – I do generally take a shower every single day. This may seem contradictory on two levels – my long hair journey and my environmental impact/awareness. First off – I don’t wash my hair every day, if I did, it would be so hard to deal with. Second, and more importantly – yes I understand that daily showers is an excessive use of water. First world problems, and all of that (I really shouldn’t have such a flippant attitude regarding that, but I do). I am very fortunate that I live in a country where I have the privilege to choose to “waste” water on a daily basis. I have always been the type to shower at least once a day – let’s count this as a win that I don’t shower twice a day anymore. Also, I go to the gym every single day – I refuse to not wash that off of me. Also, I am just not going to be clean because it makes me feel good and relaxed and I need that.

I hope this maybe inspired you to start a night routine, or if you have one, it gave you some ideas.

Comment below and let me know what you do for your night routine or if you have any suggestions for me I’d love to see!

Sweet Dreams!!!

xoxo

-S

* Nothing that I have linked am I in any way affiliated with, I am just intending to be transparent with the products I use. The copper drinking method link and the oil pulling link are just thorough links I found and the author of said articles do not necessarily reflect any my own personal opinions and vice versa.

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Mostly a listless rant. . .

Today’s topic is mental health and that’s quite fitting considering the funk I’ve been in lately.

I mentioned previously that one of my jobs went out of business the end of March and I was excited to have free time. I am – don’t get me wrong. I gave way to much of my time and my heart to that job that, in all honestly, was completely thankless.

The trouble is, and I knew this would happen to me eventually – it’s just much MUCH sooner than I anticipated, I am feeling lost, and angsty, and bored, and like I’m completely unfulfilled. I go through this a lot when I’m not working bookoo over-time.

I don’t know what I want and I think that’s been the issue all along. When I’m working two, or three, or five jobs and/or in school I don’t have the time to think about that. Which in a way was good, but in another way was really detrimental because I didn’t allow myself to focus on what I do want.

I’ll tell you what I don’t want. I don’t want to work some meaningless, boring-ass job for the rest of my life, and never get ahead, and never do things like travel and create. Yes, yes. You spoiled girl, every person feels that way. But in the the grand scheme of things I’m young – I just don’t think I can go through the rest of my life feeling like this and struggling in my mind.

I DO want to travel and write. I’m not the best writer, but I enjoy it. Like – why can’t I have a job where I go to cool places and write about it and do like cool photo-journalist stuff? How do you do that? Oh – with no degree – I don’t intend to go back to school.

But I also want to do a million other things, too, so. . .

When I get like this I don’t want to do a damned thing. I just want to sleep all of the time and I feel exhausted, and I can’t convince myself to get out of bed. <– I’ve REALLY been pushing myself out of this mode lately, but my body and mind are fighting back so hard.

I’m spinning in a circle and I don’t know how to stop it.

I need to just sit down and really narrow down what actually matters to me and what I want to do with those things I’m passionate about.

Because I’ll tell you what – the idea of next year being in this same situation just makes me sick. Even if I’m still broke, if I’m focusing my effort on something I actually care about and want to do I’ll be happier. I’m not one to do something I don’t want to do for very long. I can’t be that person that just hunkers down at a job because it pays the bills.

It’s a trap we all fall into at some point, but I can’t help but be jealous of some of the people I watch on YouTube. Not that I’m jealous they are a “YouTuber”, though I am a little. . ., it’s that it kills a little piece of me that some of them are presenting themselves in a way – or – living in a way that I wanted to so badly when I was their age. Granted I’m 10 – 15 years older than they are, so that’s a bit pathetic, but I allowed myself to be dictated by what other people thought of me. Why did I do that? Please don’t ever do that. It’s hard not to hold other people’s opinions high and make decisions based on that, but your happiness really counts on you being you.

SO. . .

I don’t know what I’m exactly getting at here, or what the solution is at this point, but I know I need to find the way back out. ┐(‘～`；)┌

That’s all for now, thanks for reading!

xoxo

-S