The Turning of the Page

Life at 40

Today is my 40th birthday, and I’ve spent some time reflecting.

Birthdays have always felt like natural moments to pause, take stock, and think about where life has taken me. Turning 40 feels big, not because I’m scared of it, but because it’s an invitation to look back on everything that’s brought me here and dream about where I’m going next.

When I was 18, life felt wide open, like a blank notebook waiting to be filled. I thought I knew where I was headed: a career, a family, stability, and maybe even a little fame. I dreamed big. Becoming a rock star, crafting guitars, or exploring ancient Egypt as an archaeologist. I thought I’d have it all figured out by now.

Turns out life doesn’t follow a script.

Mourning the Dreams That Changed

It’s hard not to look back and think about the “what-ifs.” At 18, I had this vision of who I would be and what my life would look like. I thought I’d be financially stable, with a family and a career that made me proud. Instead, I moved 1,000 miles away from everything I knew to ultimately live with a man. That decision had a bigger impact on me and my approach to life than I ever could have imagined at the time. I left school and those passions behind.

I entered the workforce right away, and somewhere along the way, I stopped dreaming altogether. Survival replaced ambition. Work replaced wonder. It took years to move back home and even longer to rediscover myself as someone with passions and goals beyond just getting through the day.

Looking back, I’ve realized it’s okay to mourn those dreams that didn’t come to life. Mourning doesn’t mean regret. It just means acknowledging the path I thought I’d walk and honoring the person I thought I’d be.

Learning to Bloom in My Own Time

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself, it’s that I take my time. I’m not someone who rushes into anything, whether it’s finding my passion, reconnecting with old friends, or making big life changes.

For a long time, I thought that made me slow, maybe even lazy. Now I see it for what it is: my rhythm. It may take me longer to bloom, but the results are uniquely mine.

Over the years, I’ve built a life full of diversity and richness. From roller derby and blogging to baking cakes and starting my own ventures, I’ve created a life that’s vibrant and uniquely me. I’ve maintained a 35-year friendship with my best friend, who I’ve reconnected with more deeply in the past year.

No, it’s not the life I envisioned at 18. But it’s one I’ve worked hard for, and I’m proud of it.

Dreaming Ahead

Forty doesn’t feel like an ending. It feels like a new beginning. For the first time in years, I’m letting myself dream again. Not just about what could have been, but about what can still be.

Right now, I’m focused on my health. I’m working hard to lose weight, not just for how I look but for how I feel. I’m building my ventures into something I can be proud of, chasing financial stability, and carving out a future that feels more intentional.

There’s something freeing about letting go of the pressure to have it all figured out by a certain age. I’ve realized there’s no finish line for success. Just a series of chapters, each one building on the last.

A Message for You

If you’re reading this and feeling like life didn’t turn out the way you thought it would, I want to remind you: that’s okay. Plans change. People change. And it’s never too late to rewrite your story.

Here are a few things that have helped me make peace with where I am:

• Stop comparing your timeline to others. There’s no “right” time to achieve your dreams. You’re not behind. You’re on your own path.
• Celebrate what you’ve built. Even if it’s not what you imagined, it’s yours.
• Let go of the idea that you’re too late. You’re not. It’s always the right time to start dreaming again.

Turning the Page

If 18-year-old me could see me now, I think she’d be surprised. Maybe even a little disappointed. But I also think she’d be proud of the person I’ve become. Proud of the resilience, the growth, and the way I’ve learned to find joy in the unexpected.

Forty isn’t the end of the road. It’s just another chapter. And I’m excited to see what’s next.

If you’re standing at your own milestone, I hope you know this: you’re not alone. It’s okay to mourn the dreams that didn’t happen, but don’t forget to dream forward. There’s still time to bloom.

Here’s to turning the page.

xoxo
-S