A brain spiral in three acts.

Every single bout day, without fail, I go through it.

I’m driving to the rink. Gear packed, playlist blasting, probably already late. And my whole body is like nope. Full-body dread. The intrusive thoughts start spinning:
Why do I do this? I don’t wanna do this. I wish I wasn’t doing this.
Even though I’ve been looking forward to it all week. Even though I love Roller Derby. Even though I’m proud to wear my team colors and skate with my crew.

But for whatever reason, game day flips a switch in my brain and I start second-guessing everything. My skills. My role. My place. Myself.

And then… I start skating.
And suddenly, I’m fine.

More than fine. I’m alive in a way I forget I can be. Focused, feral, free. All the noise in my head falls away the second my wheels hit the track. It’s like flipping a light switch in the middle of a thunderstorm. Everything calms down, sharpens up, and makes sense again.

So what the hell is that about?

Turns out, I’m not alone.

That pre-bout spiral? It’s a thing. A super common thing. Here’s why it happens (and why it doesn’t mean you’re broken or secretly hate Derby):

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1. Anticipatory Anxiety Is Loud AF

Before the game even starts, your body and brain are prepping for a big-deal event. Your nervous system doesn’t care that it’s fun. It knows stakes are high, people are watching, and you’re about to get hit and hit back. Cue adrenaline dump. Cue doubt. Cue panic.

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2. Fight-Or-Flight Kicks In Early

On bout day, you’re basically gearing up for battle. That pre-skate feeling of dread? It’s your body trying to get ready. But with nowhere to funnel that energy yet, it just sits there and simmers into anxiety. The second you start moving, though? It finds its purpose. Game on.

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3. Your Brain’s Just Being a Jerk

It throws every single insecurity at you on game day. “You’re not good enough. You’re not strong enough. You’re gonna let your team down.” Lies, all lies. But in the quiet moments before the whistle blows, those lies can get loud. Once you’re skating, they don’t stand a chance.

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So what can you do about it?

Besides just riding it out (which, let’s be real, works), here are a few things I’m learning to try:

• Pre-bout brain break: Listen to something dumb. Watch a funny reel. Talk about anything but the game. Get out of your own head for a minute.
• Name it: When the spiral starts, I remind myself this is just the usual pre-bout freakout. That simple recognition actually helps calm it down.
• Ground yourself: Before you gear up, take a few minutes to breathe. Touch your skates. Stretch. Feel your feet. Remind yourself you’re about to do something badass.
• Anchor phrase: I like, “We hit people on purpose. Hell yeah.” But you do you.

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This sport is intense. It asks a lot of you. And it gives a lot back. But not before your brain tries to trip you on the way out the door.

You’re not weird if you freak out before a bout. You’re just a skater.

And if you need someone to remind you of that before your next game, I’m right here. Freaking out in my car. Sipping electrolytes. Wondering why I do this.

And then lacing up.
And doing it anyway.

xoxo
-S